The Friday Fizz
June 30, 2006



After a long and arduous workweek, it’s easy to forget what’s transpired in the sports world in recent days and what sporting events lie in wait on the weekend. So, the Friday Fizz is here to remind you that life is not all about TPS Reports and moody bosses. Life, for most men, is about sports, women and sex, and not necessarily in that order. So, without further ado, the following is my weekly riff of newsworthy notes that you and the boys can use as fodder for happy hour talk over a couple of pints at the local pub:

NBA Draft

The steal of the draft, no pun intended, has to be the Nets nabbing Marcus Williams from UConn with the 22nd pick. In an earlier edition of the Fizz, I predicted that Ronnie Brewer from Arkansas would be the last man standing in the famed Green Room on draft night. Instead, it was Williams with his laptop scandal and 14% body fat jiggling like warm jello at a summer barbeque. My bet is Williams checks in next season at 10% body fat and plays the back up role to Jason Kidd, perfectly. The second steal of the draft was the Nets taking Hassan Adams with the 54th pick. First, “Hot Sauce” Adams will make this team. Second, their up tempo, wide open offense will enable Adams to explode to the basket ala Richard Jefferson, as well as provide him enough wide open jumpers to take advantage of his marginal outside shooting. Third, drafted at 54, Adams’ salary will provide the Nets with the utmost bottom line value of any other pick in the draft.

On the flip side, one of the worst picks in the draft has to be Jordan Farmar going to the Lakers at 24. As a Pac-10 guy, I’ve witnessed my fair share of UCLA games both on TV and in person and believe me when I say that not once was I ever impressed by Farmar. I don’t know exactly what his end-of-season statistics were, but every game I saw seemed as if he had a turnover to assist ratio of 1:1. Not only that, I’ve never seen a point guard get outright stripped of the ball when entering an offense more often than Farmar. Sure, Farmar’s quick, explosive, and displayed a rather impressive 42-inch vertical leap at the Orlando camp, but turnovers in the NBA are met with disastrous results and Farmar is one lean, mean, turnover machine.

Nobody’s mentioning this but four college seniors were drafted in the top 11 picks. Furthermore, considering the fact that Adam Morrison basically played every minute of every game during his three years in college, a case can be made that five seniors were selected in the lottery. Sheldon Williams (5), Brandon Roy (6), Randy Foye (7) and JJ Reddick (11) proved that completing your degree and not jeopardizing NBA mega dollars is possible.

What’s the deal with the Supersonics? After they’re ridiculous 10th pick, I can see why so many only call them the Sonics nowadays. Sure, one can be wowed by a 7’8” wingspan but if that same person is not horrified at the fact that Fran Fraschilla watched this same kid barely execute a lay up two years ago in Senegal then something’s seriously, seriously, wrong. This all leads me to my biggest question about the NBA.

Why are teams so concerned with upside and potential and not just getting guys who can contribute consistently night in and night out? Think about it. There’s what, five or six superstars in the league today (D Wade, Kobe, King James, Nowitzke, Duncan, can’t think of another right now). With each team having around 12-14 guys, that means out of approximately 390 players, less than .01% are considered “super.” So, what in this math equation makes NBA execs think that they’re going to find the next great super athlete in the draft? This kid from Senegal goes 10th in the draft and might, I repeat, MIGHT, play in the NBA in two years. This makes no sense to me. Instead of searching for the next Jordan, snag an experienced player who’s proven himself against respectable competition who you know will give you 15 and 5 every night. If you draft enough of those players, overtime you’ll contend for a title and it won’t take a blockbuster, mortgage your entire future, kind of trade to do it.

The funniest side note of the NBA Draft came during Ronnie Brewer’s selection to Utah with the 15th pick. While Brewer and Stern were shaking hands, the crew at ESPN flashed a “most notable 15th picks in draft history” and the names they came up with were Steve Nash in 1996 and Matt Harpring in 1998. Matt Harpring? You mean to tell me Harpring is the second best 15th pick they could have listed. Unless his younger brother is the Director of Research at ESPN, or someone on the inside lost a bet to one of the Harpring’s, I can’t think of any reason why Matt’s name would have been mentioned here.

I know a trade is in the works for the Boston Celtics. Let’s just say I sincerely hope that Sebastian Telfair will be a part of it come July 1. His documentary is enough to make anyone sick. His 5’11” stature is very concerning. His arrest and release for carrying a concealed weapon on a team charter plane speaks to his intelligence and his play for the Trailblazers the past two seasons didn’t exactly warrant headlines. Fortunately, the Celts were able to dump Raef Lafrentz’s salary. If they can pick up Iverson without having to give up their other draft pick, Rajon Rondo, or having to part ways with Al Jefferson, they might actually have a fighting chance to be competitive in the East next season.

Tour de France

Did you know the race was starting tomorrow? I didn’t. Without Lance Armstrong in it, the Tour seems more like a jaunt than a tour. What’s really amazing though is that three of the top four contenders this year have been removed from the race. Five time runner up Jan Ullrich, Italian champ and last year’s second place finisher, Ivan Basso, and Spain’s Francisco Mancebo are all out on suspicion of their possible involvement with the doping scandal that came to light in Spain a few weeks ago. These racers must be kicking themselves in that their first legitimate chance to win the Tour since Armstrong first burst onto the scene is now gone without ever putting a single foot to pedal.

MLB

“Baseball is a simple game. You throw the ball. You catch the ball. You hit the ball.” I think the entire National League needs to have a shower talk with the coach of the Durham Bulls because collectively, they’re getting humiliated by the American League. The fact that Pedro got shelled in Boston, the Dodgers got swept by an average Twins team, and the Pirates needed a few seeing-eye-singles to finally snap a 14 game losing streak says it all. The good news for Angel fans, currently the bottom feeders in the AL West, is that another installment of their Freeway Series with the Dodgers begins this weekend, possibly enabling the Halos to get things rolling, finally.

Is it just me or is it absolutely brutal to watch a Giants game anymore? This team has absolutely nobody in the line-up to assist Barry Bonds. The fact that pitchers keep treating Bonds as if he were the home run hitting machine of old is incredible. Yet, Bonds is literally the only hitter in their entire lineup that can hurt you so why wouldn’t you continue to walk him in scoring, or game tying situations. With Moises Alou back on the DL, it would take Bonds another ten years to hit the 36 home runs needed to tie Hank Aaron’s record.

Will Eric Gagne prove to be the next casualty in the War on Steroids? Seriously, ever since the Palmeiro bust, Gagne has pretty much been a bust. Somehow, someway, the Dodgers need to drug induce another team’s GM and dump him in a player swap because something tells me Gagne will never be the same now that he’s not using

The Weekend Ahead

This weekend should provide for some exciting inter-league baseball match ups. For many, baseball doesn’t start until July 4th, or even after the All-Star Game, and both dates are right around the corner. Hopefully, I’ll get the opportunity to swallow a 12-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and catch some games this Sunday for a change.

For you soccer hooligans France and Brazil, and England and Portugal square off this Saturday. If either of those matches is as dramatic as today’s Germany/Argentina penalty kick thriller, then we’ll all be in for a treat.

If you’re really bored, Thomas “Hit Man” Hearns fights this Saturday.

Enjoy the warm weekend and all the sporting events that make the days ahead so great. See you next week!

The Friday Fizz

June 24, 2006

After a long and arduous workweek, it’s easy to forget what’s transpired in the sports world in recent days and what sporting events lie in wait on the weekend. So, the Friday Fizz is here to remind you that life is not all about TPS Reports and moody bosses. Life, for most men, is about sports, women and sex, and not necessarily in that order. So, without further ado, the following is my weekly riff of newsworthy notes that you and the boys can use as fodder for happy hour talk over a couple of pints:

The World Cup

After three games and an unimpressive 0-2-1 record, the U.S. is officially Ghana with the Wind. So, with the first game of the tournament having kicked off a few weeks ago my interest in soccer officially lasted 16 days, 23 hours, 35 minutes, and 27 seconds. I do have a few parting observations, though, as we bid farewell to the Americans. First, I sincerely hope this is Reyna’s final game on our national team. During his tenure, he has managed to lead us to only one significant win in eight years, the 2002 World Cup victory over Mexico in the first game of the elimination rounds. Second, Dempsey and Beasley are two of our best players, yet they were used sparingly during this tournament. The two combined on an amazing goal in today’s game against Ghana, Beasley’s goal to put us up 2-1 over Italy was the goal that was called back, and Dempsey had several shots on goal against the Italians that challenged their goalie. Third, Mark Cuban should buy our national team so he and Coach Bruce Arena can throw up their arms in disgust at bad calls by the officials, or sit back in their chairs with arms folded and faces pouted. If you think about it, this is a match made in heaven.

College Football

The Big-10 Conference recently signed a 10-year contract extension to have their games televised on ESPN and ABC. Great…10 more years of Minnesota versus Purdue games in that awful, dank and dark dome the Gophers play in. For me, this ensures that I’ll still be able to do yard work and run errands on Saturday mornings between the ending of the College Game Day show and the 12:30 west coast kickoffs for SEC and Pac-10 games. More importantly, this will most likely help preserve my marriage for another decade since it will appear to my wife that I am capable of detaching myself from college football every now and again.

Baseball

Oregon State is playing North Carolina for the NCAA Championship this weekend. The more I read that sentence the more improbable it seems that college baseball’s crown can be worn by a Beaver come Monday night.

What’s the deal with Ozzie Guillen? There’s colorful and then there’s stupid. He makes a gay reference about journalist Jay Marrioti then justifies his remark by claiming that in his country what he said means something else. Uhmm…you’ve been a part of Major League Baseball in the States for nearly 20 years. What country are you referring to, Ozzie? Do you think we fans are dumb enough to believe that you are oblivious to the sensitivity people in the U.S. are to racial and sexual orientation epithets? Please…

If you haven’t read my article titled, “Baseball’s Unwritten Rules Turn Grimsley,” you should give it a quick glance because the suspension of Guillen for ordering his pitcher to hit two Cardinals batters during a game this week is exactly why the unwritten rules must not only be adhered to but at the very least, respected. Now that Bud Selig has set yet another ridiculous baseball precedent (i.e. “Let’s end the All-Star Game in a tie”) by approving the suspension of Guillen, I fully expect baseball to launch an investigation into every manager’s, pitcher’s and catcher’s intentions when a batter is hit by a pitch. Seriously, does baseball really think that Guillen is the first manager to order a high and tight pitch on a hitter in a similar situation? If so, they’ve got more serious issues to deal with than finalizing the sale of the Washington Nationals.

NBA

Dwayne Wade is better than Kobe Bryant. There, I said it. All other stats and skills aside, what defines Wade’s superiority over Kobe for me is that during Kobe’s championships, Shaq was in his prime and played great in winning three straight NBA Finals MVP awards. Shaq was Superman. In this year’s playoffs, Shaq was more like Mighty Mouse. He scored less than 10 points in two games. For a man who averaged 30-plus in four previous Finals Series, the proof is in the pudding. He played well in spots, serving more as a role player instead of THEE player. Wade on the other hand was simply phenomenal. It’s as if he went into Shaq’s locker and stole his cape. During the Finals, his stat sheets read more like Lotto tickets. In Game 6 alone, his stat line read: 36-10-5-4-3. That’s 36 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 steals and 3 blocked shots for those scoring at home. Incredible! In Kobe’s second season with the Lakers, he was shooting air balls against Utah. In Wade’s second season, he was one game from leading his Heat to the Finals before getting injured in Game 5 against the Pistons. This season, Wade’s body held up and in return, he helped the Heat hold up the championship trophy ON DALLAS’ COURT.

There seems to be a wave of momentum building up against Nowitzki now that his team lost four straight games. Sure, he missed some key free throws in Games 3, 4 and 6 and he couldn’t match Wade’s superstar performances, but he still played great. People want to say that Nowitzki choked. That he was soft and Wade was hard. That Nowitzki is a star and Wade is a superstar. This all may be true, but think about this. Nowitzki dropped 29 points, grabbed 15 rebounds, dished out 3 assists and had 2 blocks in Game 6. If Jason Terry, Josh Howard, and Jerry Stackhouse had not gone a combined 17 for 54 from the field, then perhaps Dallas would have won and perhaps Nowitzki’s own stellar performance would not have been overshadowed. Furthermore, as my buddy Jeff pointed out, if Terry had nailed the game tying three pointer at the buzzer and Dallas went on to win in overtime, Wade, as great as he played, would have been considered the goat after having missed those two potentially clinching free throws with seven seconds to go in regulation.

The Draft is this week and today the NBA released the names of the 15 individuals who will be present backstage, waiting for their names to be called so they can shake hands with Cuban’s mortal enemy and then sit in horrified silence as Stuart Scott from ESPN drops one Booyah after another during an awkward interview. My guess is that Arkansas junior guard Ronnie Brewer, projected to go as high as number seven to the Celtics, will be the player who slips into the middle of the first round and has to spend the moments leading up to every selection pretending to talk to his agent on his cell phone while internally praying that the embarrassment and misery of not getting selected when he should have will finally and mercifully come to an end.

The Weekly Wildcat

The Weekly Wildcat
June 20, 2006

(The Weekly Wildcat will appear each week on Tuesdays as part of a running series, updating Wildcats supporters on the sports happenings at the University of Arizona)

I don’t ever intend to bring religion into this weekly report but God bless football and basketball. With the NBA Finals hinting at a Game 7 in Dallas and the league’s amateur draft looming ahead, men’s basketball has been brought to the forefront with the recent re-enlist of Mustafa Shakur after passing on the opportunity to play pro ball a season early. While many fans are tired of Shakur and his three relatively unsatisfactory years at the point for UA, I firmly believe that his presence on the floor next season may provide our school with one of those shining moments. So, let’s take a deeper look.

Men’s Basketball

You can never put a tangible value on a senior point guard in college. The formula for winning the NCAA Tournament is not an exact science but it seems to boil down to one of three factors: A young, talented team that is so green to the tournament that they don’t know any better except to win (see Florida and UCLA from last season); a senior laden team that has been there, done that, and simply outclasses a younger team (see Mateen Cleeves’ Michigan State championship team); a player who gets hot at the right time, becomes an unstoppable force, and puts a team on his back while carrying them to the championship (see Danny Manning, Miles Simon, Carmelo Anthony and next year’s Ohio State team with seven foot freshman recruit Greg Oden).

Although UA is still relatively weak on the inside, if you look closely, our team possesses players from all three categories. Shakur and Ivan Radenovic provide us with senior leadership and should be two of our primary contributors. Marcus Williams is definitely a Climb on My Back and I’ll Take Us Home kind of player. Chase Budinger has all the tools to be a freshman sensation and is more than capable of duplicating the kind of tournament performance Williams displayed last year, filled with youthful exuberance and fearlessness. Then there’s Jawann McClellan, a bona fide ‘X’ factor that, if healthy, should provide us with Hassan Adams-like numbers. If Kirk Walters can give us eight and eight a night, we’re looking at six players that are going to be tough to beat. Add into the mix long-armed J.P. Prince, defensive stopper Daniel Dillon and all-around hustlers Fendi Onobun and Mohamed Tangara and things start to look even better.

The key, though, is for this team to mesh as one. Last season was a complete disaster. Forget about the two well-played NCAA games. Any team can get up for those. The season as a whole was defined by selfishness both on and off the court. Furthermore, cancer bugs like Chris Rodgers have no place in UA athletics. I’m sure he’s a great person, but he is clearly misguided. Plus, he and Coach O are both Psychology majors. That’s like trying to push two magnets together. Fortunately, Chris is gone and if our boys can put the T-E-A and M back in Team, we’re going to be a tough squad to beat next season.

Football

I almost wept this morning when I read this headline in the Tucson Citizen, “Back Picks UA over USC.” I mean, seriously, have you ever seen anything more beautiful that doesn’t involve a sunset, some wine, and a girl you’re trying to bed. Nicolos Grigsby, a 5-foot-11, 190-pound running back from St. Paul High in Santa Fe Springs, California pledged Monday to UA and in doing so, turned down USC and Oregon. Other schools Grigsby was considering included Miami, Arizona State, Washington and Utah. John Moredich reports that USC was selling Grigsby on the idea that he would be USC’s next Reggie Bush in that they’d play him all over the field, creating as much open space for him as possible. My goodness, the thought of UA with our first outstanding tailback since, dare I say, Chuck Levy, makes me happier than a dog with two peckers.

Football skills aside the best thing about Grigsby, though, is his name. Let us not forget that some names are destined for greatness and Arizona for so long has had so few. For us guys, having a great name can be the difference from you sinking a put to win the Masters or pulling a Carl from Caddyshack and pretending your playing the 18th hole at Augusta while tearing apart a flower bed with a hoe. Simply put, having a great name puts you on the fast track for stardom just like having a great name for women can help men gauge your “hotness” level without ever seeing you. Think about it, have you ever met a Carmen, Caitlin or Justine who is not just hot, but smoking hot? Now, think about the times you met a Diana or a Judy. For men, we see a name like Braeylon or Adonis and we automatically think athlete. Grigsby has one of those defining names. Let’s hope finally having a great name-guy in our backfield translates into more wins.

By the way, my buddy Scott Gordon recently had a baby boy and named him Camden. Camden Gordon, an absolutely great sports name. Scott and his wife Heather’s understanding of what really is in a name virtually guarantees Camden that he’ll be starting at quarterback for Notre Dame or Arizona in 2024.

Did You Know?

-More than 90 Wildcat athletes have competed in the Olympics? Seven won gold medals at the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens.

-UA’s intercollegiate athletics program consistently ranks among the nation’s top 10 each year in overall performance on the playing fields and courts.

That’s all for now…please visit my site each Tuesday for the latest edition of The Weekly Wildcat. Until then, Bear Down!

Baseball's Unwritten Rules Turn GRIMsley

Baseball’s Unwritten Rules Turn GRIMsley

Jason Grimsley’s recent admonition about drug use in baseball and his subsequent 50-game suspension launches us into the next chapter in the sport’s storied history of dealing with players cheating to gain a competitive advantage. Whether we’re discussing Pete Rose gambling on games he managed while with the Reds or debating the validity of Barry Bonds’ home run accolades in light of his suspected steroid use, the art of revealing something without really revealing anything is as much a part of the game as doctoring the ball, stealing signs, and breaking up double plays. Unfortunately, for baseball and its players who need to face their families and wives at night, this onetime practiced art of adhering to the game’s unwritten rules is losing steam as more and more players are airing their dirty laundry to Joe Public on a regular basis.

Today, many argue that the claims Jose Conseco made in his tell all book of yesteryear have been validated and he himself vindicated from the abuse he took from so many for spilling the beans on one of baseball’s biggest locker room secrets. What they won’t say is that although he may have been right, sometimes being right and doing the right thing is not always the right thing to do. In writing his book about steroid use in baseball, whether he was being truthful or not, Conseco broke baseball’s golden rule: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. No wait…that’s incorrect. What happens in the locker room stays in the locker room. A rule that could be amended to also include, what happens on the road stays on the road.

For those who think collegiate and professional sports are played by Christian fairing men who should serve as role models and father figures to today’s youth, grow up. Like Colin Cowherd on ESPN Radio often says, big time sports are big boy sports. The same rules that apply in Little League aren’t even existent at the Major League level. If they were, strike zones would be wider than Roseanne Barr, fans would eat taco boats out of Fritos bags, and every player, including the bullpen catcher, would get at least one at bat and one inning in the field. Pro athletes are paid to produce and when the rewards (high salaries, bonuses, and worldwide fame) greatly outweigh the punishments (slap on the wrist fines and suspensions) players are going to cheat to get ahead and the question is should we really blame them? After all, the fans are partially to blame. Three years ago we fans were ready to anoint Bonds as the second coming of Christ. Now, we’re cursing him in the stands and putting hexes on his family in the basements of our homes for becoming the player that we, in part, helped create.

Conseco broke baseball’s golden rule and look what’s happened since. The BALCO scandal, Bud Selig’s constant tweaking of steroid suspension policies, the involvement of Congress, Mark McGwire’s refusal to testify, Rafael Palmeiro’s embarrassing testimony and fallout from the game, the disappearance of Sammy Sosa, and the ironic twist of all ironic twists: Amidst all the speculation, Barry Bonds still remains in the Clear. So, while Sosa joins Stan Van Gundy and Jimmy Hoffa on the “Where Are They” list, Bonds hit number 717 last night and although the sports world generally hates him today, until there is tangible proof of his violation of baseball’s drug policy, we must honor the fact that he is one of the greatest power hitters of all-time.

Truth be told, baseball can’t afford another player challenging its unwritten rules. Athletes may have to resort to Marine-like tactics and dish out Code Reds when a guy like Conseco opens his mouth the next time around or when a player like the White Sox’s Sean Tracy refuses to throw at a batter after being instructed to do so by his manager, Ozzie Guillen.

Before I get to this baseball atrocity, let me provide a quick rundown of some of the game’s most evident unwritten rules:

1) The Golden Rule (may Conseco be damned)

2) Talking to a pitcher during a no-hitter. This in short, is a no-no. Pitcher’s in the midst of a perfect game or no-hitter should be treated as if the team doctor just diagnosed them with Bubonic Plague. Furthermore, the mere utterance of the words “no-hitter” by any team player should automatically warrant the aforementioned Code Red.

3) No bunting in a no-hitter after the 5th Inning. The San Diego Padres’ Ben Davis did this a few years back against Curt Schilling and the Diamondbacks when Schilling had a perfect game going with one out in the 8th. Davis successfully bunted for a single and single-handedly leapfrogged his name to the top of baseball’s Bad Karma list. Reports that D’Backs Manager Bob Brenley called Tony Soprano to put a contract on Davis’ head have not been confirmed. Nor has it been confirmed whether or not Brenley at the time was aware that Tony Soprano was merely a fictional character played by James Gondolfini. Either way, in the eyes of baseball purists, the argument could be made that a hit on Davis would have been justified under the circumstances.

4) Never steal a base in a blowout after the 6th Inning. This rule applies to everyone except Ricky Henderson who after being caught playing cards in the clubhouse during the closing innings of a playoff loss with the Mets proved that he has absolutely no clue what rules or boundaries are.

5) Never show up a pitcher. Nothing in baseball will warrant a 95 mph heater striking you in the ear hole quicker than showing up any pitcher at any time, but especially after hitting a home run. Enjoy your moment, but do so in a timely manner typically defined by a confident yet brisk jog around the bases. Rule 5a) If you do show up a pitcher and later get a fastball whizzing by in the vicinity of your head, you have no right to charge the mound. Consider things even and move on. If you do charge the mound, you better bring you’re A-Game or else you run the risk of not only breaking a cardinal unwritten rule, but looking like Robin Ventura being manhandled by Nolan Ryan in the greatest I Think I’ll Go Out and Get My Ass Whipped in Front of a National TV Audience move of all-time.

6) When a key player on your team gets hit by a pitch, it’s your entire pitching staff’s responsibility to then bean a key player on the other team, which brings us full circle to Tracy’s despicable actions last night.

This Tracy/Guillen story is making headlines because Tracy was not only pulled from the game immediately following his refusal to hit Hank Blalock but was also informed later that night that he’d been demoted back down to Triple-A. An emotional Tracy could be seen in the dugout with his jersey covering his face after Guillen gave him the better half of his mind and you know what, rightfully so. Just like written rules, what’s the benefit of having an unwritten rule if no one’s going to follow it? In baseball, more so than any other sport, the unwritten rules are absolutely necessary. Tracy needed to hit Blalock. His personal morals or feelings had to be put aside for the betterment of the team. His team needed to know that he had their backs. The oldest cliché in sports, there is no I-in-Team, applies here. Guillen had to know whether this rookie was a “me” guy or a “team” guy and Tracy proved that at this point in his career, he wasn’t ready for big boy sports. With one of the White Sox’s best players, A.J. Pierzynski getting hit not once but twice in the game, the Sox had to respond and Tracy instead was non-compliant and it not only cost him a spot on the roster but it lost him the respect of his teammates who understand that at times in life the adherence to unwritten rules take precedence over written rules, societal laws, morals, personal beliefs and anything else your Little League coach taught you when you were 10 and still blowing bubbles with wads of Big League Chew.

The Weekly Wildcat

The Weekly Wildcat
June 13, 2006

(The Weekly Wildcat will appear each week on Tuesdays as part of a running series, updating Wildcats supporters on the sports happenings at the University of Arizona)

It’s been an interesting week in Wildcat World. Our school announced that it will induct 10 individuals and the 2006 softball team into its Sports Hall of Fame in November. Individual honorees are:

Lauren Bauer, softball, 1997-2001
Mike Bibby, men’s basketball, 1996-1998
Andrea Neary-Dutoit, track and field, 1997-2001
Denali Knapp-Garcia, swimming and diving, 1997-2001
Jason Wilbur “Red” Greer, football/baseball, 1931-1934
Kristi Gunning, gymnastics, 1990-1994
Toni Mascarenas, softball, 1997-2001
Harry Messick, baseball, 1954-1958
Patrick Nduwimana, track and field, 1997-2001
Dennis Northcutt, football, 1997-2001

Without taking anything away from the honorees, I do want to point out that this list is reflective of the sad state of affairs our football program was in during the John Mackovic Era. Lets hope Mike Stoops and company can continue to turn things around so future induction classes include long lists of Arizona football players who graduated to the NFL and helped lead us to several New Year’s Day bowl games.

Speaking of the gridiron, the first wave of college football preview magazines has hit the newsstands and so far Arizona is getting a little love from prognosticators. Athlon has the Cats ranked 40th nationally while The Sporting News ranks us a respectable 44th. Each has us finishing 6th in conference play with swing games against BYU, at Washington State, Oregon State and Arizona State. A final record ranging between 8-4 and 5-7 seems to be the general consensus. This year I’ll be traveling to the LSU game, visiting Tucson for the USC game and will attend the road game at UCLA. I can’t wait until it all gets started.

Congratulations to our softball team for winning their seventh National Championship. That’s six more then our men’s basketball and baseball teams and seven more than our football team. Ouch!

Lute Olson says Mustafa Shakur’s return to our basketball team stands at 50% with this upcoming Sunday being the final day Shakur can pull his name out of the NBA Draft. Let’s hope Shakur does the smart thing and returns to Tucson for his final season and puts forth a senior campaign worthy of this onetime budding high school All-American. If he does, the NBA will welcome him with open arms in 2007 and he won’t have to try so desperately to prove himself in next year’s Orlando Pre-Draft Workout session.

Visit my site each Tuesday for the latest edition of The Weekly Wildcat. Until then, Bear Down!

The Friday Fizz

The Friday Fizz
June 9, 2006



After a long and arduous workweek, it’s easy to forget what’s transpired in the sports world in recent days and what sporting events lie in wait on the weekend. So, the Friday Fizz is here to remind you that life is not all about TPS Reports and moody bosses. Life, for most men, is about sports, women and sex, and not necessarily in that order. So, without further ado, the following is my weekly riff of newsworthy notes that you and the boys can use as fodder for happy hour talk over a couple of pints at the local pub:

NBA Finals

Game 1 of the NBA Finals saw one of the University of Arizona’s most underrated point guards in school history explode onto the scene. Coach Avery Johnson has called Terry his project all season, attempting to alter Terry’s “scoring” style more into that of a true point guard; a role Terry has accepted. The emergence of Devon Harris, though, provides Johnson with an alternative at the point if Terry and Mavs owner Mark Cuban can’t reach a contract agreement this summer. Still, last night proved that the Mavs can’t win without Terry. Terry scored 32 on a night when Miami did enough on defense to take Dirk Nowitzki out of his comfort zone. And with Shaq putting Jerry Stackhouse on the deck every time he drove the lane and Josh Howard struggling from the floor, a scorer like Terry needs to be in the mix. The formula calling for three stars to win an NBA Championship won’t ring true this year with each team only having two (Shaq/Wade, Nowitzki/No one else), but Terry is becoming more and more of a star each season and to part ways with Terry in the off season would be a mistake the Mavs would not feel until next postseason.


Human Growth Hormone (HGH)

Is anyone surprised that HGH is now the drug of discussion in Major League Baseball? Jason Grimsley’s drug bust, alleged confession, and early retirement/shameful resignation from the Diamondbacks have baseball insiders scrambling for the facts. Still, finding the facts really isn’t the issue. The issue is MLB’s embarrassing handling of the entire steroid/drug issue since the release of Jose Conseco’s tell all book. Instead of proposing sweeping changes to the sport’s drug testing program, they half-assed it by not requiring blood tests and now it’s come back to haunt them. Quite frankly, Bud Selig deserves this because he has allowed the faces of the game such as Bonds, McGwire, and Sosa to burn in effigy this past year over their suspected steroid use while exploiting their home run hitting prowess to revitalize the game’s reputation as America’s pastime. You can’t celebrate their home runs to market the sport and then curse them for cheating as if you never suspected any wrongdoing. The fact remains that people have suspected steroid use in baseball for more than 15 years but until Congress stepped in and forced action, the Commissioner’s Office turned a blind eye and benefited from the revenue stream that these home run hitters brought to ballparks around the league. AND even then, they now only test urine samples (can’t detect HGH this way) which is the equivalent of only using calipers to measure body fat and expecting a result that is 100% accurate.

The World Cup

I won’t even pretend to know what CONCACAF stands for, but apparently it represents the group of countries/teams that the USA competes with for qualification into the World Cup every four years. The USA won the CONCACAF outright and qualified first over Mexico for entry into the 2006 Cup. So, tell me this, how is Mexico given a more favorable seed than the United States when we beat them head to head, won the overall qualifier, and are ranked higher according to FIFA? Is it because FIFA thought it would be safer (on a nuclear level) for all interested parties that Mexico play Iran instead of the USA? Is it another one of the ‘the world hates the U.S.’ things and is looking for any way to see our nation fail? Does FIFA side with Mexico on U.S. Border Immigration issues? Or is there an actual ranking system within the world ranking system that can legitimately explain why Mexico has a cakewalk schedule and the USA is placed in one of only two “Groups of Death.”

Recruiting Buzz

Remember Marijuanavich? It appears that Todd Marinovich, the strapping superstar quarterback of yesteryear who played for USC and then the Oakland Raiders before watching his at onetime promising football career come crashing down due to alcohol and drugs, has a younger brother with some skills himself. Mikhail, a quarterback at little known Serra High in San Juan Capistrano, was ranked the third best player at a California football summer camp and is quickly gaining steam as a player to watch out for in the 2007 recruiting class. Let’s hope his dad has learned from previous mistakes and has allowed Mikhail to put back a few McDonald’s hamburgers and pizza pies while growing up. If so, then Mikhail may have a chance. If not, then Mikhail will probably follow in Todd’s footsteps and go absolutely nuts with sex, fast food, drugs and alcohol the moment he’s released from the Marinovich Family Youth Penitentiary.

What’s Ahead

The Breeder’s Cup is on Saturday, followed by the Antonio Tarver/Bernard Hopkins fight. Tarver had to lose 45 pounds to make the weight. It’s sad to see the sad state that boxing is in when the sport takes a back seat to pretty much everything but the WNBA. If promoters cared about anything but the money going into their own pockets, they’d put more prize fights on basic cable to gain a larger audience because Pay Per View today is not only a rip off to fans, but it’s ripping apart the sport’s fan base. Of course, Game 2 of the Mavs/Heat series is on Sunday night and in between I understand there are some baseball games and stuff.

Until next week...

The Weekly Wildcat

The Weekly Wildcat
June 6, 2006

(The Weekly Wildcat will appear each week on Tuesdays as part of a running series, updating Wildcats supporters on the sports happenings at the University of Arizona)

How ironic is it that the first installment of The Weekly Wildcat falls on today’s date, 060606? I mention this because for me it feels like Hell hath frozen over each time our men’s basketball or football teams lose a game, which in recent seasons has been much more than I can bare. Fortunately, this week’s edition is not about losing and all about winning.

Softball World Series

Our women’s softball team is one win away from another national championship, their first since 2001. Led by hurler Alicia Hollowell, speedster Caitlin Lowe and hot hitting Taryne Mowatt the Cats jumped all over Northwestern in Game 1 of the best of three World Series. In a sport famous for 1-0 final scores, the 8-0 win is the softball equivalent to the 1985 Boston Massacre game where the Celtics pasted the Lakers by 30 plus in the NBA Finals. Of course, the Lake Show rebounded from that night’s humiliating loss to best the Celtics for the championship so let’s hope Northwestern does not profit from the same fortune in the next two days.

I won’t deny it. I love rooting against anything that is UCLA, although I did cheer for the Bruins during their Final Four run for Pac-10/West Coast respectability reasons that need no explanation. Still, I was rooting harder than ever against UCLA’s softball team in their elimination game with Northwestern for the simple reason that the institution is currently sitting on 99 national championships, more than any other university in the country. The thought of UCLA winning their 100th against Arizona is enough to make me gauge my eye out with a rusty spoon and something I wouldn’t care to experience. Fortunately, Northwestern did win and this awful scenario has been avoided.

Professional Golf

With the U.S. Open only two weeks away, let me be the first to congratulate ex-Wildcats David Berganio and Chris Nallen for making the tournament’s field of players who will be competing for our national golf championship at famed Winged Foot. Each finished within the top 18 spots yesterday at the same sectional qualifier location where Michelle Wie was trying to become the first women’s golfer to make the field. Wie finished at 143, five shots shy of the cut. Berganio and Nallen will join other ex-Wildcats, Jim Furyk and Ted Purdy, at Winged Foot. Furyk’s hot start to the season has his name in the mix for PGA Player of the Year and amongst golf insiders, is considered to be one of the top five favorites to win the U.S. Open.

Men’s Basketball

In fairness, our women’s softball team deserves the limelight which is why I led with their story. But seriously, once their season ends there will only be two things this site will regularly discuss: men’s basketball and football. The latest from NBA prognosticators has Hassan “Hot Sauce” Adams going to a team like Phoenix late in the first round. Hot Sauce had a great workout for the Suns in mid May and his explosiveness is something all NBA teams covet. Fellow Wildcat Mustafa Shakur so far is not getting the rave reviews he was expecting. The form on his jump shot is too awkward for NBA scouts to stomach and although he’s demonstrated outstanding ball handling skills, he definitely needs to return to school and accomplish something significant like say a Pac-10 Championship and a birth in the Final Four. We have the horses to make a deep run in the NCAA’s next year so hopefully we can heal up as a team and get the quality play we need from returnees such as Shakur, Jawann McClellan, Ivan Radenovic, Marcus Williams and J.P. Prince, and newcomer Chase Budinger. In regards to McClellan, the healing process on his wrist is going well but slower than anticipated. Reports say he won’t be ready for contact drills until August.

Football

On the gridiron, the biggest news is ex-starter and now ex-Wildcat Richard Kovalcheck wimping out and transferring to Vanderbilt. While I wish him the best of luck, I’d be remised to point out that players like Kovalcheck are unwelcome at Arizona under the Stoops regime. In order for us to rise from beneath the shadows, we need players who want to compete, even if that means them finishing second and playing backup roles. Of course everyone wants to be a starter but simple Math tells us that that’s impossible. We need to have backup players pushing the starters every day so that we can be the best team possible. Winning programs such as USC, Texas, Ohio State, Miami, LSU and Florida State don’t seem to have a problem stockpiling talent so why should we. If an All-American high school athlete is willing to sit on the bench for three seasons and a red shirt year in hope of playing as a senior for a school like USC, then our middle of the road recruits should not carry the same Prima Donna attitudes of recent QB transfers such as Kovalcheck, Nic Costa and Ryan O’Hara.

Two wishes: Please let Luis Holmes and Gabe Long academically qualify this spring semester so they can transfer into Arizona in time for the upcoming season. Pac-10 writers have already listed Holmes as a second team all conference defender. That distinction alone should automatically grant him eligibility. Are you administrators listening at the UA Registrar’s Office? Let them play! Let them play! Let them play!

Visit my site each Tuesday for the latest edition of The Weekly Wildcat. Until then, Bear Down!

The Professionals

Matt Leinart or Vince Young?

I don’t buy the Vince Young over Matt Leinart argument. Outside of being more athletic, Young has too many red flags that make him more of a risk to succeed in the NFL where as Leinart is already a proven commodity as demonstrated through his performance on and off the field.







Let Him Play Theory

Mack Brown’s approach to just “letting Young play” in the tail end of his junior year and throughout his senior season helped Texas win back to back Rose Bowl games and a national title, but did little for Young’s long term career. In the NFL, where playbooks are the size of Almanacs, letting a quarterback do what he wants with little or no structure is a formula for failure. NFL defenses will take all of about two preseason games before they uncover all of Young’s tendencies such as when he does run he always runs to his right. Furthermore, the Titans will have a difficult time obtaining and/or retaining decent wide receivers playing the game’s ultimate “ego” position if their quarterback is always reacting to pressure by prematurely scampering out of the pocket. If you think I’m wrong, take a look at the last three years of free agency pick ups by the Saints, Vikings, Falcons and Titans.

The Rose Bowl Hype

Is it possible that we were all a bit too wowed by Young’s Rose Bowl performance? Granted, he played an unbelievable game on college football’s biggest stage but so did many other players on the field, including Matt Leinart. If Lendale White converts that fourth and two run we’re congratulating Young on a fantastic game in a losing effort while christening Leinart as the next Joe Montana for his 29/41 passing for 365 yards and a touchdown. In a game where Young ran wild to the amazement of fans world-wide, Leinart was quietly demonstrating the efficiency and skill NFL teams dream of by completing 14 of 15 passing attempts during one stretch of the second half where USC turned a 6 point halftime deficit into a 12 point lead with 6:27 to go in the fourth. Everyone knows that Texas had the better defense of the two teams and that USC’s secondary was severely depleted by game’s end, so in retrospect how much better was Young’s performance over Leinart? I argue very little and certainly not to the level that would warrant an NFL team passing over Leinart to select Young as the third pick in this year’s draft.

Norm Chow Might Eat Vince Young

Talk about going mad. Norm Chow must be on the chopping block in Tennessee because I can’t imagine Young ever being able to run a Norm Chow offense with any efficiency. For a guy who was basically allowed to roam freely in a Texas offense that drew up plays in the huddle like kids in the park, Young is in for a rude awakening. Leinart spent last summer studying game film with the same vigor and commitment that a Peyton Manning or a Tom Brady has displayed. In fact, in addition to breaking down USC game film, Leinart studied Patriots, Packers and Colts games from 2004 and was questioned on where he thought Brady, Favre and Manning would distribute the ball based on the defensive sets they faced. It sounded like a cool thing at the time, but now it’s a friendly reminder that Leinart is leaps and bounds ahead of Young in terms of game preparation in an NFL setting where studying film is as, if not more than, important as actual practice.

The Wonderlic Score

The conspiracy theorist in me is curious as to why such an emphasis has been placed on the Wonderlic Score in years past until Young failed it so miserably during this years Combine. I’ve heard every excuse in the book and I’m amazed as to how people are coming to his defense in this matter. I would hope that the four smartest players on my football team would be the quarterback, the center, the middle linebacker and the free safety. To think that my quarterback could quite possibly be the stupidest player not only on my team but perhaps in the entire league is the red flag of all red flags. For those who would argue that the Wonderlic Test is not a measure of one’s intellect, I respectfully disagree. Go to wonderlic.com and see for yourself. The Wonderlic is nothing more than a strictly timed IQ test with questions like provide the next number in the sequence 1, 2, 4, 8, 16…If you guessed 32 then you’re way to smart to be drafted by the Titans but their may be a roster spot for you in Arizona.

One Night in Paris

We all know being a quarterback means being in the limelight. While everything might be “Big” in Texas, there is nothing bigger than going “Hollywood.” What Young experienced in Texas is nothing to the lifestyle Leinart had while playing in Los Angeles. For three years, Leinart was LA sports. He lived the Hollywood A-list life, got a feel for what it must’ve been like to be Broadway Joe, and so on. Until after the 2006 Rose Bowl, when did you ever see Young on a national talk show? Leinart was doing Leno during Spring Football when Young was getting fitted for pads. The point is this: Leinart is mentally ready for the NFL media, the limelight of being a pro quarterback, and the celebrity of having trysts with celebrities like Paris Hilton. He’s used to the glitz and glamour and believe it or not, the pressure of being a star who’s play on the field and life off of it is constantly scrutinized by national highlight shows, radio shows, Internet sites and the local fish wrap only your grandpa still reads for news.

Pro Style versus Free Style

While free style football looks great on highlight reels, there’s simply no place for it in the NFL where defenses are constantly getting bigger, stronger, faster and smarter. Michael Vick has been injured at least once in each season he’s played. Steve McNair has the heart of lion but today is as durable as a dandelion. The same can be said for Daunte Culpepper. While each of these men have proven to be effective and at times to be great quarterbacks, their ability to play an entire season is a vital component in measuring their usefulness to a team in an NFL today that is lacking in quality back-ups. Let’s face it, if your starting QB goes down then it’s time to start making plans for next season. Even barring serious injury the constant abuse these guys endure from strong safeties and speedy outside linebackers takes its toll. Both Vick’s and Culpepper’s throwing accuracy have been affected negatively in the past two years, so much so that even Randy Moss couldn’t catch an up for grabs pass from Culpepper in their final year together. To think that Young will be any different is laughable. I’m sure he’ll scramble from time to time and gain some big yards. But I’m also sure he’ll get hit hard and often for the first time in his career, his accuracy won’t be anywhere near the lofty percentages he put up at Texas while playing in a watered down Big 12 Conference, and his swagger won’t be so smooth when he realizes that he just forgot the play…AGAIN!

Conversely, Lienart has been running a pro style offense for three years. Power-I formation, two wide outs and a strong side tight end was the offensive set of choice this past season. He wasn’t in a gimmicky offense with five wide receivers, dropping back and gun slinging the ball around the field. Yes, USC was more athletic than every team they played, but they also out executed everyone on the offensive side of the ball thanks to a calm, cool and collected Leinart who studied game film, ran the repetitions in practice, threw the ball with precision, and exuded a confidence that made his teammates play better.

While I agree that Young is a physical specimen who warrants a chance to play in the NFL, I don’t buy into his hype. He lacks significant arm strength, has a low release point, ran his college offense out of the shotgun, and only rolls out or runs to the right. Leinart, on the other hand, takes the snap from under center, can throw out of a three, five or seven step drop, ran a complex, pro set offense in college, worked under two different offensive coordinators, already knows how to study game film like a pro quarterback, learned this past season how to stretch defenses by throwing to deeper routes with accuracy, and for good measure has a 38-inch vertical jump; pretty athletic for a 6’5, two hundred plus guy who deserves much more credit than he’s been getting.

The Best Of Times

In honor of Fox Sports' Next Great Sportwriter contest's second round assignment for their finalists, I thought I’d take this opportunity to share my own best of sports moment. Of course, I could’ve selected Game 4 of the Lakers/Suns series this year, or even Game 7 of the Spurs/Mavericks series. Or, what about the other night’s Game 5 in the Western Conference Finals? To say that Dirk Nowitzke had a game for the ages would be an understatement. I also could have written about the strange happenings in last season’s NFL Playoffs, culminated by two incredibly poorly officiated games involving my beloved Steelers. First, it was the non-interception call in the Colts/Steelers game, then it was the Steelers themselves benefiting from some, let’s just say, questionable penalties against the Seahawks during the Super Bowl. Sure, all of the above mentioned games were incredible and worthy of a lengthy diatribe, but for me one of the best days of my competitive sports viewing life has to be the day during the 2005 regular season when USC and Notre Dame went head to head in one of college football’s most epic battles. I say this for two reasons. First, the game itself was truly amazing; everything you can ask for out of a rivalry match up all the way down to Notre Dame changing into their lucky green jerseys right before the opening kick-off. Second, how my friends and I decided to watch the game is a decision we will look back fondly on and cherish for a lifetime.

So, without further ado, the following is a blog I wrote in October of last year while reflecting back on the events that transpired during what amounted to be an incredible four and half hours of my life.

The Greatest Pub Crawl, err, Game Ever!

Our monthly pub crawl through Long Beach, California was elevated to an entirely new level this time around and set the gold standard for future crawls. Given, this was only our second official pub crawl ever but still, it was a helluva lot more fun than the inaugural crawl due in part for three reasons: I didn’t black out this time at the Dubliner; we had more participants; and we decided to coincide the crawl with the USC/Notre Dame football game. The idea was simple. Our group would hit 10 bars throughout the course of the day and we would crawl only during the game’s timeouts, commercial breaks, halftime, or ends of quarters. You have to admit, this is/was a solid plan and we carried it out pretty well.

The players on the field included SC studs like Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, Lendale White, Dwayne Jarrett and Darnell Bing, and ND household names such as Brady Quinn, Darius Walker, Jeff Samardzija and Anthony Fasano. The third team to take the field/streets on this cool autumn day was us, the Auld Dubliner Crawlers, a.k.a. the alcoholics, who constantly strive to invent new ways to do what we do best (drink). Our team has its own legends of lore, superstars like M. Night Shamarock, Bucket O’Shea, Melikey McNasty, MILF McGillicutty, Peter O’Cool, Smilin’ Jane Ross, Cort McScrew, Drunken McAle, Red NoHaira and Boobs McGhee (I’m using our pub names to protect the identities of the innocent although none of us could actually be labeled as ‘innocent’).

The crawl got off to a bit of a slow start at our first bar, the famous Blues Café, because their televisions apparently weren’t cable ready. I mean, I could’ve gotten better reception on a handheld TV in an electrical storm, but whatever. I thought I was watching downhill skiing at one point, but later found out that we were indeed watching the SC/ND game and the teams had combined to score 21 points in the first quarter. Who would’ve known? Like I said whatever…we had our beers, set the schedule for the day and set off for round two at Wasabi’s Restaurant. Side Note: The last crawler to finish their beer at stop one was Boobs, a usually strong drinker from what I’m told but a rookie crawler coming off a drinking binge the night before that did not end until 5 AM. Hence, we cut her some slack.

Once we arrived at Wasabi, we met “Annoying Fan Guy.” You’ve all encountered this person before. The guy who cheers for his team just a bit too much, every call’s a bad call if it’s against his boys, let me shout how great we are when not warranted by a great play, etc. Annoying as hell, but it made the beers go down faster. Plus, Wasabi had flat screen plasmas, which were terrific upgrades from the turn of the 20^th Century TVs on display at Blues Café. We also met the only Notre Dame fan in the restaurant bar who, after ND’s Tom Zbikowski returned Tom Malone’s punt 60 yards for a go ahead touchdown, had to feel Irish eyes smiling down upon him because Annoying Fan Guy was throwing a hissy fit just a few barstools away. Again, Boobs was last to finish her beer, but 5 AM? We still understood. The gang wanted to proceed to Aladdin for stop three, but here’s where I invoked the first of two “Founding Father” mandates of the day. As long as the game was on, we could only visit establishments with televisions and I knew that there was no way on earth Aladdin with its hookah smoking stacks would have a television set, let alone a television set with the game on. So, off to Taco Surf we went.

The first pleasant surprise of the day occurred when the bar back at Taco Surf offered up free chips and salsa. Combine tortilla chips and salsa with beer and a ballgame and you’ve got my vote for pub stop of the month. We caught the end of the first half here, snapped some photos and left for Aladdin with the Irish up 21-14. Aladdin is where things got interesting, beginning with a discussion with our server about the origin of her appealing, Indian-sounding accent. The only problem was that it turned out her accent was a hoax. She was a college student, born and raised in, of all places, Irvine, who claimed that she picked up the accent from working at the restaurant and get this, “it naturally comes out” only when she’s at Aladdin. This, of course, led to my third “whatever” of the day. I can smell bullshit from a mile away and her story was either pure bullshit or we were being served by perhaps the stupidest person on the planet. The good news was that halftime was over and by the sound of cheers emanating from nearby bars the Trojans had just scored a touchdown to tie the game. Yep, a guy walking toward us down the street pumping his fist had just confirmed that Reggie Bush galloped 45 yards into the end zone. So, after three quarters and four beers, SC and ND are knotted at 21 and it was time for us to get off our asses and get to a bar with a TV ASAP.

New York O’Briens, a mere thirty steps across the street from Aladdin proved to be a great fifth stop. The bar was empty, the game was on, they had a $2 dollar you-call-it drink special, and the bartender was kind enough to mute the stereo and turn up the audio on the football game. Screw Taco Surf and their free chips and salsa, O’Briens just earned top honors for this month’s crawl. What made this stop even more enjoyable is the majority of us were beginning to feel the fruits of our labor and the possibility of adding shots into the mix were first discussed. I also attempted to institute a second founding father mandate here, which was unanimously voted down by all the crawlers who adamantly disagreed with my suggestion that we should hunker down here until the end of the football game.

On our walk to Alegria, we watched the crowd at Smooth’s explode as Notre Dame missed a field goal that would have made it 27-21 with about eight minutes to play. I gave the no good signal to Melikey McNasty and into Alegria we went for another beer and the first of many shots. Inside, we snacked on olives and cheese and watched Reggie Bush score his third touchdown, putting the Trojans up 28-24 with five minutes to go. Quickly, we embraced the true nature of this pub crawl and scampered to the Oyster Bar during the next time out. Here, we heard every Notre Dame fan on Pine Avenue that day celebrate Brady Quinn’s scramble into the end zone for a 31-28 lead. TWO MINUTES TO GO…WAKE UP THE ECHOES.

I drank my beer at the Oyster Bar so fast I don’t even remember holding it. Everyone was tense. Alcohol or not, this was the season and whether everyone else realized it or not, the possible end to the pub crawl because if SC lost I would have been home and in bed faster than they could have cleared the ND fans from the field after storming it. First down, second down, third down, oh my God it’s fourth and nine. With the season on the line, my last beer halfway up my throat, Matt Leinart audibles at the line of scrimmage, throws a go route to Dwayne Jarrett who not only catches the ball for a game saving first down but rumbles 60-plus yards down the sideline to the ND 13-yard line. Bedlam at the Oyster Bar! Bedlam on Pine! Less than a minute left, SC in game-tying field goal range, greatest game ever unfolding and I’m drunk. As Harry Cary would have famously said if in a similar situation, “Holy Cow!” Quick, somebody grab me a beer. No wait, Leinart just got stopped on the goal line and the clocks running out. What’s going on? Fans are storming the field, Charlie Weiss just dropped his headset, Pete Carroll is waving his arms. Somebody grab me a barbecue skewer so I can stab myself in the throat.

What a final minute!!! One of the best and worst 60 seconds of my life!

Turns out Leinart had the ball knocked lose and it flung out of bounds. SC’s got another play. Seven seconds left. Spike the ball and kick the field goal, or punch it in. Quarterback keeper…he’s in, he’s not in, no he’s in. No, no, HE’S PUSHED IN!

TOUCHDOWN USC!!! I’m hugging people, kissing them in the ear, unbelievable. We pour out onto Pine Avenue with many other SC fans and make our way to Smooth’s, the hip new bar on Pine with thirty-something plasma TVs, swank drinks and pretty decent food. The only problem is the owner there is an arrogant asshole and we’re all drunk. This has the makings of a bad scene. Little surprise, the Crawlers did our best to bring the ass out of the asshole owner. More specifically, Cort McScrew pulling a Tara Reid was what led to our being escorted out of the bar before we could polish off our ninth beers of the day. McScrew’s feeble attempt to toss raspberries into Red NoHaira’s mouth was a game the aforementioned asshole owner was not willing to play and once McScrew got the boot and I delivered some choice words on her behalf we hit the road Jack, and haven’t been back…since.

So, onward we went to the mecca of all pubs, our final and really only cherished destination of the day, the friendliest of friendly watering holes, the one place where jolly drunks are welcomed with open arms, the Auld Dubliner. Here, we proceeded to get extremely saucy, but in a good, raspberry truffle saucy kind of way.

We put McScrew’s “Taradise-like” antics behind us, ordered shots after shots, beers after beers, partied till the break of dawn, and had a blast without any further “incidents.” So, in the end, the final statistics looked something like this:

USC 34 Notre Dame 31

Lienart 17/32 for 301 yards

Quinn 19/35 for 264 yards

Bush 15 carries for 160 yards and 3 touchdowns

Samardzija 6 receptions for 101 yards and 1 touchdown

Crawlers 10 Pine Avenue Bars 1 (Smooth’s got the best of us)

125 Beers: $500

85 Shots: $425

9 Martinis: $54

8 Car Bombs: $64

The greatest pub crawl, err, game ever: Priceless!