The Friday Fizz

June 24, 2006

After a long and arduous workweek, it’s easy to forget what’s transpired in the sports world in recent days and what sporting events lie in wait on the weekend. So, the Friday Fizz is here to remind you that life is not all about TPS Reports and moody bosses. Life, for most men, is about sports, women and sex, and not necessarily in that order. So, without further ado, the following is my weekly riff of newsworthy notes that you and the boys can use as fodder for happy hour talk over a couple of pints:

The World Cup

After three games and an unimpressive 0-2-1 record, the U.S. is officially Ghana with the Wind. So, with the first game of the tournament having kicked off a few weeks ago my interest in soccer officially lasted 16 days, 23 hours, 35 minutes, and 27 seconds. I do have a few parting observations, though, as we bid farewell to the Americans. First, I sincerely hope this is Reyna’s final game on our national team. During his tenure, he has managed to lead us to only one significant win in eight years, the 2002 World Cup victory over Mexico in the first game of the elimination rounds. Second, Dempsey and Beasley are two of our best players, yet they were used sparingly during this tournament. The two combined on an amazing goal in today’s game against Ghana, Beasley’s goal to put us up 2-1 over Italy was the goal that was called back, and Dempsey had several shots on goal against the Italians that challenged their goalie. Third, Mark Cuban should buy our national team so he and Coach Bruce Arena can throw up their arms in disgust at bad calls by the officials, or sit back in their chairs with arms folded and faces pouted. If you think about it, this is a match made in heaven.

College Football

The Big-10 Conference recently signed a 10-year contract extension to have their games televised on ESPN and ABC. Great…10 more years of Minnesota versus Purdue games in that awful, dank and dark dome the Gophers play in. For me, this ensures that I’ll still be able to do yard work and run errands on Saturday mornings between the ending of the College Game Day show and the 12:30 west coast kickoffs for SEC and Pac-10 games. More importantly, this will most likely help preserve my marriage for another decade since it will appear to my wife that I am capable of detaching myself from college football every now and again.

Baseball

Oregon State is playing North Carolina for the NCAA Championship this weekend. The more I read that sentence the more improbable it seems that college baseball’s crown can be worn by a Beaver come Monday night.

What’s the deal with Ozzie Guillen? There’s colorful and then there’s stupid. He makes a gay reference about journalist Jay Marrioti then justifies his remark by claiming that in his country what he said means something else. Uhmm…you’ve been a part of Major League Baseball in the States for nearly 20 years. What country are you referring to, Ozzie? Do you think we fans are dumb enough to believe that you are oblivious to the sensitivity people in the U.S. are to racial and sexual orientation epithets? Please…

If you haven’t read my article titled, “Baseball’s Unwritten Rules Turn Grimsley,” you should give it a quick glance because the suspension of Guillen for ordering his pitcher to hit two Cardinals batters during a game this week is exactly why the unwritten rules must not only be adhered to but at the very least, respected. Now that Bud Selig has set yet another ridiculous baseball precedent (i.e. “Let’s end the All-Star Game in a tie”) by approving the suspension of Guillen, I fully expect baseball to launch an investigation into every manager’s, pitcher’s and catcher’s intentions when a batter is hit by a pitch. Seriously, does baseball really think that Guillen is the first manager to order a high and tight pitch on a hitter in a similar situation? If so, they’ve got more serious issues to deal with than finalizing the sale of the Washington Nationals.

NBA

Dwayne Wade is better than Kobe Bryant. There, I said it. All other stats and skills aside, what defines Wade’s superiority over Kobe for me is that during Kobe’s championships, Shaq was in his prime and played great in winning three straight NBA Finals MVP awards. Shaq was Superman. In this year’s playoffs, Shaq was more like Mighty Mouse. He scored less than 10 points in two games. For a man who averaged 30-plus in four previous Finals Series, the proof is in the pudding. He played well in spots, serving more as a role player instead of THEE player. Wade on the other hand was simply phenomenal. It’s as if he went into Shaq’s locker and stole his cape. During the Finals, his stat sheets read more like Lotto tickets. In Game 6 alone, his stat line read: 36-10-5-4-3. That’s 36 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 steals and 3 blocked shots for those scoring at home. Incredible! In Kobe’s second season with the Lakers, he was shooting air balls against Utah. In Wade’s second season, he was one game from leading his Heat to the Finals before getting injured in Game 5 against the Pistons. This season, Wade’s body held up and in return, he helped the Heat hold up the championship trophy ON DALLAS’ COURT.

There seems to be a wave of momentum building up against Nowitzki now that his team lost four straight games. Sure, he missed some key free throws in Games 3, 4 and 6 and he couldn’t match Wade’s superstar performances, but he still played great. People want to say that Nowitzki choked. That he was soft and Wade was hard. That Nowitzki is a star and Wade is a superstar. This all may be true, but think about this. Nowitzki dropped 29 points, grabbed 15 rebounds, dished out 3 assists and had 2 blocks in Game 6. If Jason Terry, Josh Howard, and Jerry Stackhouse had not gone a combined 17 for 54 from the field, then perhaps Dallas would have won and perhaps Nowitzki’s own stellar performance would not have been overshadowed. Furthermore, as my buddy Jeff pointed out, if Terry had nailed the game tying three pointer at the buzzer and Dallas went on to win in overtime, Wade, as great as he played, would have been considered the goat after having missed those two potentially clinching free throws with seven seconds to go in regulation.

The Draft is this week and today the NBA released the names of the 15 individuals who will be present backstage, waiting for their names to be called so they can shake hands with Cuban’s mortal enemy and then sit in horrified silence as Stuart Scott from ESPN drops one Booyah after another during an awkward interview. My guess is that Arkansas junior guard Ronnie Brewer, projected to go as high as number seven to the Celtics, will be the player who slips into the middle of the first round and has to spend the moments leading up to every selection pretending to talk to his agent on his cell phone while internally praying that the embarrassment and misery of not getting selected when he should have will finally and mercifully come to an end.